Sometimes I reach a point where I know something’s bothering me because I’m constantly cranky or depressed, but I have no idea what the cause is. After Christmas I tried to attribute my irritability to not being with my family for the holidays, but it became increasingly apparent that this assumption was faulty. Below is the journal entry in which I attempted to work through my feelings and figure out the reason for my melancholy.
December 29th, 2011
The most prevalent emotion I’m feeling right now is hopelessness. I’m overwhelmed with the size of the task at hand (not my specific job, but with people hearing and coming to Christ) and I’m depressed by how long it takes the Gospel to change lives. Meanwhile my weaknesses are abounding and my smallness is stifling.
It’s not just the number of people who need to hear the Gospel that is overwhelming. It’s all the barriers that hinder them from really hearing the Good News that are so incredibly frustrating. Satan has his dirty little hands in EVERYTHING! Even if we could distribute Scripture to everyone, written in their heart language, and preach to them in a contextualized manner, we’d still only be at the very beginning of the journey. There is so much work to be done in people’s hearts and minds. There is so much more at stake for people than just changing religions. It just seems like people everywhere are too afraid to change, too deceived to change, and too weak to change.
This job is impossible. Even thinking about attempting to change even the smallest part is completely absurd. No person, no organization, no government can even mine a pebble from this mountain of a task.
Thankfully, I know that God has designed it this way. It is so incomprehensibly large that He doesn’t expect or want us to attempt to complete His work. Instead He simply asked us to join Him by following His commands because only He has the knowledge about the perfect timing for orchestrating His master plan.
Knowing this should be a relief. And to some extent, it is. Unfortunately, it also leads to questions. What role do we play if we are so unfathomably small within this world? If He wants something done and He will use those who are willing, then why bother using us at all? Is part of our problem with how we view ourselves and the importance we ascribe to our labor? Since this task is unbelievably immense and we’re merely pawns whose mortal roles are incredibly limited, can we really fail? Even when we falter and make mistakes, is it ever possible for a meager person to affect His plan more than a raindrop affects an ocean? Then what is our role?! What purpose do we serve?!
Why do I fret about being productive all the time? Why do I operate under the assumption that if I don’t labor as hard as I can God’s work won’t get done? What am I really going to accomplish during that time that God couldn’t easily have done another way? Stop thinking you’re so important and necessary! He’s got this thing under His control and you’re just along for the ride.
When He gives me a task, I need to work hard at it and focus on it as He leads. He will enable me to complete the job when and how He needs it to be done. In the meantime, I need to chill! Stop the worrying and the questioning and simply praise Him.
Time is a blessing, not a curse. It is not meant to confine us, but it is another commodity He’s given us to use to glorify Him. Life isn’t all about productivity or even effectiveness. It isn’t about sneaking off or going on vacation just to get away from the work. It’s about enjoying the work you’ve been given and then making time each day to just be. Stop only ever striving and producing and instead invest your time in people and loved ones.
Perhaps that’s true contentedness. When you finally get to the place where you realize God doesn’t need you to run His world. When you finally understand that your worth is found in how much you invest in praising Him and loving people. When you finally give up trying to earn His love and start focusing on showering others with your own. When you finally realize that today is all the life we have and it is a blessing no matter what your situation is because God has entrusted you with a job to do today.
Calling the crowd to join his disciples, [Jesus] said, "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?
Mark 8: 34-37 (The MESSAGE)
By the time I reached this conclusion, I felt much better. However, just because I know the Biblical answer doesn’t mean I truly understand and appreciate that answer. Sometimes God has to remind us what it means for Him to be Sovereign and for us to be servants. I pray this update encourages you to surrender the self-imposed responsibilities that God alone is supposed to carry. He has given us people and jobs to take care of, but we can’t complete those tasks through our own strength. We fulfill our responsibilities when we lift our joys, fears, dreams, and concerns to God in prayer and rely on Him to guide us.
Thank you for all of your support. Knowing that you are praying for me and giving financially to see both my ministry and me grow is an incredible encouragement. God has been exceedingly faithful in his providing for all of my needs before I even realize I have them. I am humbled by the thought of serving such an immense God and knowing how much He cares for me.
Blessed to be in His service,
Julie
December 29th, 2011
The most prevalent emotion I’m feeling right now is hopelessness. I’m overwhelmed with the size of the task at hand (not my specific job, but with people hearing and coming to Christ) and I’m depressed by how long it takes the Gospel to change lives. Meanwhile my weaknesses are abounding and my smallness is stifling.
It’s not just the number of people who need to hear the Gospel that is overwhelming. It’s all the barriers that hinder them from really hearing the Good News that are so incredibly frustrating. Satan has his dirty little hands in EVERYTHING! Even if we could distribute Scripture to everyone, written in their heart language, and preach to them in a contextualized manner, we’d still only be at the very beginning of the journey. There is so much work to be done in people’s hearts and minds. There is so much more at stake for people than just changing religions. It just seems like people everywhere are too afraid to change, too deceived to change, and too weak to change.
This job is impossible. Even thinking about attempting to change even the smallest part is completely absurd. No person, no organization, no government can even mine a pebble from this mountain of a task.
Thankfully, I know that God has designed it this way. It is so incomprehensibly large that He doesn’t expect or want us to attempt to complete His work. Instead He simply asked us to join Him by following His commands because only He has the knowledge about the perfect timing for orchestrating His master plan.
Knowing this should be a relief. And to some extent, it is. Unfortunately, it also leads to questions. What role do we play if we are so unfathomably small within this world? If He wants something done and He will use those who are willing, then why bother using us at all? Is part of our problem with how we view ourselves and the importance we ascribe to our labor? Since this task is unbelievably immense and we’re merely pawns whose mortal roles are incredibly limited, can we really fail? Even when we falter and make mistakes, is it ever possible for a meager person to affect His plan more than a raindrop affects an ocean? Then what is our role?! What purpose do we serve?!
Why do I fret about being productive all the time? Why do I operate under the assumption that if I don’t labor as hard as I can God’s work won’t get done? What am I really going to accomplish during that time that God couldn’t easily have done another way? Stop thinking you’re so important and necessary! He’s got this thing under His control and you’re just along for the ride.
When He gives me a task, I need to work hard at it and focus on it as He leads. He will enable me to complete the job when and how He needs it to be done. In the meantime, I need to chill! Stop the worrying and the questioning and simply praise Him.
Time is a blessing, not a curse. It is not meant to confine us, but it is another commodity He’s given us to use to glorify Him. Life isn’t all about productivity or even effectiveness. It isn’t about sneaking off or going on vacation just to get away from the work. It’s about enjoying the work you’ve been given and then making time each day to just be. Stop only ever striving and producing and instead invest your time in people and loved ones.
Perhaps that’s true contentedness. When you finally get to the place where you realize God doesn’t need you to run His world. When you finally understand that your worth is found in how much you invest in praising Him and loving people. When you finally give up trying to earn His love and start focusing on showering others with your own. When you finally realize that today is all the life we have and it is a blessing no matter what your situation is because God has entrusted you with a job to do today.
Calling the crowd to join his disciples, [Jesus] said, "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?
Mark 8: 34-37 (The MESSAGE)
By the time I reached this conclusion, I felt much better. However, just because I know the Biblical answer doesn’t mean I truly understand and appreciate that answer. Sometimes God has to remind us what it means for Him to be Sovereign and for us to be servants. I pray this update encourages you to surrender the self-imposed responsibilities that God alone is supposed to carry. He has given us people and jobs to take care of, but we can’t complete those tasks through our own strength. We fulfill our responsibilities when we lift our joys, fears, dreams, and concerns to God in prayer and rely on Him to guide us.
Thank you for all of your support. Knowing that you are praying for me and giving financially to see both my ministry and me grow is an incredible encouragement. God has been exceedingly faithful in his providing for all of my needs before I even realize I have them. I am humbled by the thought of serving such an immense God and knowing how much He cares for me.
Blessed to be in His service,
Julie
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