“What have I been doing since my last update?” Every email update begins with me asking myself this question. Usually, my response requires prayer and meditation and then slowly unfolds, but this time the answer came quickly. Almost immediately, I realized that they all my thoughts were concentrated on different aspects of my daily life that have changed since arriving in West Africa. Most of these were slow changes, occurring primarily in my perception and understanding; however, within the last month or so, they seem to have finally manifested themselves as daily activities.
Daily Surrendering to God
As I’ve mentioned before, I struggle with giving God control of my life on the micro-level. I forget that time, energy, and opportunity are given to us as gifts from God. We have no “right” to them; they are not owed to us. My mind has slowly been absorbing this concept and allowed it to transform my thinking and - with it - my desires and actions.
I found that during a particularly trying time this past month I was driven to the point where I had to go to God daily and hand over everything I was thinking, feeling, and wanting. Reflecting on that time now, I can say that I have never poured myself out to God to such a degree for so long each day for such an extended period of time. One explanation is that this conglomeration of situations required surrender on a much larger scale than past circumstances, but I suspect there’s more to it. I think the Holy Spirit has been busy in my heart and mind and through His changes and guidance I was capable of surrendering to God on a level I’ve never known before.
As I’ve moved out of that difficult period, I’ve found that my desire to commune with God is greater and more genuine than before. Through this, I’ve found myself engaging in more intimate prayer with God and appreciating the time I spend in His Word. Admittedly, I fail to do both daily, but that is my aim. I am praying that my desire for knowing Him continues to increase and that that intrinsic yearning will urge me to overcome my indolence.
Daily Focusing on the Present
This section’s title may seem redundant, but it illustrates the battle I’m constantly fighting in my head. You see, I live in the future. I rarely think of the here and now. Without restraint, my thoughts are ever pondering what will happen: What lessons am I teaching today? What book will I read next? How will I teach the next chapter? What movie are we going to watch Friday night? What will I research (or waste time on) the next time I have Internet access? When will I be going back to the States? Where will God lead me when I’m back in the States?
I suppose I’ve always justified these thoughts as necessary in order to be productive and effective with the time we’re given; however, I am learning that, in excess, they steal my joy because they work against God’s Design. When I allow myself to live outside of the present, I concede my ability to be content and never realize or truly enjoy the blessings God has already bestowed upon me.
As I’ve attempted to continually concentrate on the present, I’ve seen some unanticipated, yet welcome, results. For one, I seem to be a much happier worker. Meaning I allow myself to enjoy whatever it is that I’m doing instead of thinking about all the other things I need to do and can’t because of the work at hand. Of course my mood improvement is appreciated across the board and allows my interactions with others to be much more fulfilling. In addition, I seem to actually be more productive. At the end of the day, I can look back and be proud of the work that I did willingly and the conversations I had cheerfully. Now, I admit this productivity could just be an illusion. In the past, I did a lot of work but “never enough” because my incessant looking forward reminded me of all the work yet to be done. Regardless of when I am actually more productive, I’ll gladly take the worry-free, joyful, daily-focusing-on-the-present me.
Isn’t it amazing how God’s Design is always better than our own? This truth has been revealed to me time and time again, yet I still choose another path and am surprised when it causes me pain and heartache. Please pray that I continue to grow in my intimacy with God and in my faith in His Plan and Path for me. Please pray that I can continue to surrender my desires and concerns daily so that I may enjoy and be content in all that He has already given me.
Thank you for all of the love and support you have shown me these last several months! Your prayers and emails are a huge encouragement and greatly appreciated. So please don’t hesitate to update me on your life because I also love to hear how you are doing and how I can better pray for you!
Indebted to Christ and Joyfully Serving Him,
Julie
Julie
