Macro and Micro

Recently, on several occasions, I have been challenged to evaluate where I am spiritually and to truly seek out my intentions for my actions. In fact, it wasn’t until last night that I really saw all of the pieces come together. It’s always interesting how God will try to get my attention by putting something on my heart, but then I ignore it because it's uncomfortable. He keeps pressing, enlightening, and reminding me; all the while I am striving to evade His challenging revelation. By now I should know dodging God is as efficient as a child playing hide-and-go-seek with their parent. Despite that knowledge, my actions still reflect that of Jonah…

Thankfully, our God is passionate in His pursuit of us. His message was finally received last night, despite my best efforts to elude Him, while going through a chapter in C.S. Lewis’ the Screwtape Letters. Because it impacted me so much, I’ve included the portion of the chapter that really indentifies and describes the very essence of the lie I’ve been using to justify my actions of late (it follows my update). In summary, God has been telling me that I need to follow Him. My response has been that I am because I’m here in Africa, “following God’s Will.” And because I’m continually being reassured that God wants me here in Africa with the Litseys, I know that I am in fact within His Will.

The problem is that since I know I’m doing God’s Will, I then conclude that I can do whatever I want with my free time, because I’m done doing what God wants me to do. Well, for a while now I’ve felt that there was a flaw in my logic, but I didn’t want to face it because I was enjoying doing whatever I wanted during my free time. Then, last night, God couldn’t have made it any more clear that “my time” is not mine at all and never was. I realized that the fallacy I was falling into was in applying the “I’m following God’s Will” from the macro level to the micro level. Yes, I’m here and doing my job, but my heart is wrong. I’ve been taking joy in selfish, unfruitful actions instead of seeking God and seeing what eternal activities He might have me do.

Please don’t get me wrong, I know there’s a time and place for having fun and “me” time. The times that I’m referring to are ones where I knew I was misleading those around me in order to for them to think me busy so that I could have fun instead of being asked to help. They were also fun times that I knew I didn’t need, but wanted because the alternative could have been uncomfortable and challenging.

I’m pretty sure God has plans for me here that stretch beyond teaching, but I have to be open to them and be willing to work at them. God knew the first step in that process was to remind me to whom time really belongs and that I want to partake in eternal, lasting activities. I look forward to seeing how God leads me and what ministries He allows me to get involved in. Please pray that I am open, willing, and disciplined to allow Him to work however He desires through me.

Indebted to Christ and His (macro and micro) Will,
Julie